My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
