I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
