I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
