My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
