Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
