paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
