Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Randomize
