Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
