Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
