Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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