im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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