is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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