Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
