I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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