Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
is that a dick in a sweater?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
