Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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