I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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