who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Alive.
So much puke
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
