I want to walk on stilts...naked
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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