saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
