Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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