whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
