I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize