Your tits are I can't wait for
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
