my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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