If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
