He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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