doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
