If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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