After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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