i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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