I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
