Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
