Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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