And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
