Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
