Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
