I'm drive I can fine osifer
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
