Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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