You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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