bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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