the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
