Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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