I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
