'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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