Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
