Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize