I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
