I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
