Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
