Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
