You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize