i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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