aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
