sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
