Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
