My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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