What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
