The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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