I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
