did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
