the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
