Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
