I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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