WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
