I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
