Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
