Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
