My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
