good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Can I color on your dick again?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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