Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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