jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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