I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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