We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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