Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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