super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
