Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
