He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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