you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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